You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
