Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
