The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
