Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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