I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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