he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
