Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Randomize
