all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
