I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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