do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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