His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
