____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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