Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
