How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
