She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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