I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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