Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
