Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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