the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
