I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
