I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just pee around me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
