i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
