guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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