Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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