i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
