living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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