You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
