yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
