Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
