did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Two words: nipple clamps
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