I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
