Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
