Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
