how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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