We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
