Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
