i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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