i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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