Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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