I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
