I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
