Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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