No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
