Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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