i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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