Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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