I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
