So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
