It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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