remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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