I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
