next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
