you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
