yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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