No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
