phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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