I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
