no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
