So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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