I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Randomize
