That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
