Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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