I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
