Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my being single is dangerous.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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