I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
