Need sex. Gaining weight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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