ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
