just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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