is your mom at the bar?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
