IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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