I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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