I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
