So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
