Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
