I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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