I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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