Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
