Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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