my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
