please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
