Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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