Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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