ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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